Glorious – and very slippery – mud. Photo: James Coleman.
It’s often thought that racecar drivers represent the ultimate marriage between man and machine. Their fingers are on the pulse, brains plugged into the ECUs, and senses attuned to the slightest change in tremor from the drivetrain. Lewis Hamilton could run over an ant at 140 km/h and immediately know what it had for breakfast.
But it turns out off-roading types are similar.
Like many Canberrans, I recently embarked on an expedition into the Brindabella Ranges after one of its biggest snow dumps in years. As far as I can make out, the Brindabellas are entirely made of clay, meaning as soon as this clay gets slightly damp, the whole thing turns into an ice-skating rink.
The INEOS Grenadier Quartermaster, my test car for the week, and its beefy BF Goodrich wellies had so far shrugged everything off, at least until we reached one particular uphill track.
Even with all the important-looking off-roady roof-mounted switches engaged, such as the front and rear diff locks, and the gearbox in low range, all four wheels seemed to be spinning hopelessly.
Fortunately, my uncle, with vastly more off-roading experience, was also my co-pilot and coached me to feel through my feet for the exact moments when the tyres regain some bite and then deploy just enough accelerator to get them to bite some more, without spinning. And then keep up that precarious game all the way up the hill.
It felt like I was doing brain surgery through my work boots.
It paid off, though. And at the top, I was washed over by a sense of testosterone-addled achievement – or adrenaline, or maybe just pent-up wee – unrivalled by any other experience. Off-roading is as cool as it is extremely precise.
The tools you’re using, however, are not precise.
We’ve covered the history of the INEOS Grenadier before, and how it is, in effect, a rebadged Land Rover Defender from 10 years ago. One of the most common complaints you’ll hear about it involves the steering, which feels like it’s set in a bucket of yoghurt.
This is because while most conventional cars use a rack and pinion system, INEOS has adopted the ‘recirculating ball’ design, said to be tougher and more reliable.
Toyota uses the same system in their back-to-basics 70-Series LandCruiser too, but in the INEOS, the result is severely boat-like. You turn the wheel, and at some point in the distant future, the car will start turning too.
You do get used to it. And besides, as I discovered on this muddy track, the steering wheel is nothing more than something to hold onto. There’s not even any point trying to stay out of the ruts, because you’ll just slip right back into them sooner or later.
There are other bigger issues.
INEOS might be a new brand, but to build trust right from the start, they’ve pieced it together using parts from all the best brands – BMW six-cylinder turbo petrol and diesel engines, a ZF automatic gearbox, Brembo brakes, Eibach springs, Bosch electronics, Carraro axles and Recaro seats.
More cars need toot horns. Photo: James Coleman.
However, I feel that the very comfortable seats have been rendered redundant by the fact that they’ve then designed the driver’s side footwell for people whose right leg is longer than their left. The footrest is placed annoyingly close.
Still, it’s better than the middle rear seat, which is designed for people with no legs at all. I had to sit with my knees tucked up under my chin and my feet on the air conditioning vents in a pose that felt both compromising and not very safe.
For such an enormous on-road presence, there’s not a lot of room inside.
There’s also the price.
The Grenadier Station Wagon and new Quartermaster dual-cab ute both start from $105,000, but mine – in top ‘Trailmaster’ spec with metal side runners and roo bar, and a $15,990 Norweld ‘deluxe tray’ – cost over $136K. That’s a lot for what’s meant to be a simple, old-school 4WD. Let alone one with nasty-feeling AC dials.
But the Grenadier’s strengths are best measured in testosterone.
Yes, INEOS can go on about how every aspect of the design is there for a reason: how those plastic side strips are there so you can bolt various accessories into it, how you can literally hose out the interior, and how there are power outlets already rigged up on the front, rear and each side – ready for your winch or rooftop tent or floodlights.
Snow fell as low as 800 metres on the King’s Birthday. Photo: James Coleman.
It also boasts those dashing, rugged looks, featuring little metal hoops around several of the buttons, a secondary ‘toot’ horn on the steering wheel, ‘safari’ windows in the roof, a heart-warmingly gruff engine note, and – hands-down best of all – that whole panel of overhead switchgear.
Is the Grenadier really more capable than any other off-roader? Maybe. But more importantly, it’s the off-roader every little boy dreams of.
2025 INEOS Grenadier Trailmaster Quartermaster
- $115,000 plus driveaway costs ($136,846 as tested)
- 6-cylinder turbo diesel engine, 183 kW / 550 Nm
- 8-speed automatic, full-time 4WD (with high and low range, and front, centre and rear diff locks)
- 0-100 km/h in 9.8 seconds
- 10.5 litres per 100 km claimed fuel consumption, 90-litre fuel tank capacity
Thanks to INEOS Automotive for providing this car for testing. Region has no commercial arrangement with INEOS Automotive.
