Hayley Nicholls is high on the fumes of her new car and contemplating who she can ‘pop in’ on. Photo: Hayley Nicholls.
What happened to the ‘pop in’? You know, those unplanned visits where you just show up at a friend’s house without notice?
I recently had the thrill of doing this myself – as I took a new car for a joyride and ended up near a friend’s house. I thought to myself, “What the hell, I’ll just see if she’s home!”
Well, the excitement of that spontaneous visit still hasn’t worn off! It felt wonderfully simple and like something straight out of the past.
This is not really the done thing anymore. In our hyper-scheduled lives, one does not simply ‘pop in’ on people!
Maybe there are some brave souls out there still stopping by unannounced. If so, I salute you. But for many of us, it’s a quaint concept that is unthinkable in practice.
We text days ahead and make careful plans, which we then cancel at the last minute because we’re exhausted, have an early morning, or someone has a cough that might be COVID, the flu, or walking pneumonia. Each potential illness adds to our growing list of concerns, and it starts to feel Pokémon-esque: Gotta catch ’em all.
Of course, this means that when we do finally achieve the impossible – follow through on plans and visit our friends’ homes – the homeowner (having been forewarned) has cleaned up, erased all evidence of daily life, and made the place look cleaner than an operating theatre and as stylish as a beachside Airbnb.
To my mind, the shift away from unplanned ‘pop ins’ dilutes the quality of our social interactions. While it’s understandable that we all want to put our best foot forward, there is something so comforting about being welcomed into a lived-in space and enjoying an organic and genuine social interaction steeped in spontaneity.
Being granted access to the ‘behind the scenes’ of someone’s life indicates trust and inclusion in their inner circle.
We all have dishes in the sink or tables that need wiping. Is your living room littered with laundry? OMG! I have laundry, too!
But suppose someone has made an appointment to visit. In that case, you better believe I’m going to whip around my house like the Tasmanian Devil and erase all the unseemly evidence anyone actually lives there.
I recently came across a term, originating in Trinidad and Tobago – ‘liming’ – which basically means hanging out with no real agenda, simply enjoying each other’s company. No schedules, no expectations, just being together in the moment, whatever you happen to be doing. It’s a beautiful concept that embraces the organic nature of socialising. But in our increasingly regimented lives, liming seems like a pipe dream!
This shift towards more curated social interaction extends beyond just our social calendars – it’s also evident in how we communicate – via text more so than phone calls.
As I complained to a friend about someone telling me a painfully long story, she thoughtfully mused: “Sometimes I wonder if the problem is actually that our generation has lost the art of conversation.”
An interesting perspective. Was the story unnecessarily long, or have we become a little too efficient in our communication style?
Where people might have previously phoned each other to chat about their day, now we communicate pretty consistently – but typically via text. We share memes, not stories.
The lengthy casual catch-up has been superseded by constant pre-planned snippets.
And maybe that’s why the ‘pop in’ feels radical now – it would be breaking away from the norm of filtered, pre-approved connection methods.
I think it’s time we reclaim the ‘pop in’!
Let’s be realistic – I absolutely would never simply knock on someone’s door. Can you imagine? I’m not a maniac! But perhaps I’ll send a cheeky text en route, giving people just enough time to deny me but not enough time to clean up.
