Speculation is mounting that Barnaby Joyce might join Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party. Photo: Barnaby Joyce/Instagram.
Barnaby Joyce taking orders from Pauline Hanson?
Here’s how the first party room meeting will go down if Barnaby quits the Nationals to join One Nation and actually gets elected a Senator for New South Wales at the next federal election on that ticket.
PH: Let’s welcome our newly elected member to the team, the one and only Barnaby Joyce. Welcome, Barnaby, or should I say Senator Joyce?
BJ: Blood oath, you should. It’s good to be back in the Upper House. This is where the real power is.
PH: Yes, we might all remember that Barnaby started …
BJ: Ahem
PH: Sorry. I mean, Senator Joyce. How Senator Joyce started out in the Senate. He was elected in 2004 as a Senator for Queensland for the now-defunct National Party.
BJ: Yeah, I’m just razzing with ya, Pauline. You can call me Barnaby. Lord knows I’ve been called worse (chuckle, chuckle, snort, snort).
PH: Then he left the great state of Queensland behind in 2013 to chase a NSW seat in the House of Representatives – for New England to be exact.
BJ: Too right.
PH: So we welcome you here now with open arms, as a fully fledged elected member of the grand Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party, which just keeps growing and growing. We’ll officially welcome you too, Matt Canavan, after morning tea.
BJ: I was Deputy Prime Minister, you know.
PH: Yes, we know.
BJ: Twice.
PH: Such a prestigious career, and it’s far from over yet. We’re expecting big things from you, Barnaby.
BJ: Yeah, like what?
PH: Well, first, I’m going to put you in charge of our education policy portfolio.
BJ: Pig’s arse.
PH: What do you mean? It’s a very important area. We have to get all the history books burned and republished without all that black armband nonsense. And get more chapters in about how the White Australia Policy built this country. First thing you need to do …
BJ: Look, sweetheart, I don’t give a flying fart about history books. I’ll write my own one day, but right now, all I’m gonna be talking about is taxing carbon and how it’s killing the regions, pushing farmers off the land, and allowing me to keep getting elected in different houses of parliament for different parties. It’s worked for me so far, so don’t get in the way of a good thing.
PH: Well, sure, by all means, keep talking about carbon taxes and those big windmills that are popping up all over the landscape. But you are our education spokesman. Not ‘spokesperson’ – we’re not the Greens.
You are our education spokesman. You will be talking a lot on that topic, as well as your pet peeves over energy, if you must. But education policy is your role in this party.
BJ: Well, luv, here’s an education for ya. I’ve got Andrew Hastie, the newly elected leader of Advance’s Team Australia, knocking on my front door, my back door, my escape hatch and my sunroof, and he’s just begging me to come join him.
Opposition Leader Tim Wilson would have me in the Libs any day, too. I’ve got options, you know. I could even just leave and sit as an independent – wouldn’t be the first time that’s happened to you, Pauline (uncontrollable snorting).
And I’m not on the old parliamentary pension scheme either, ya know. I gotta stay in the big house one way or another just to keep earning.
PH: That’s all very well and good, but this is your party now, Barnaby.
BJ: What, Barnaby Joyce’s One Nation?
PH: Ha ha, very funny. There is only room for one leader, and the party does have my name on it, after all.
BJ: There’s only room for one giant ego, too, so I’m outta here. You coming with me, Malcolm?
Malcolm Roberts: Someone say more coal?
