Katharine Andruska (holding her daughter Izabella) struggled to realise the feelings she was experiencing after giving birth were symptoms of perinatal depression and anxiety. They’re pictured with Joseph Moeder. Photo: Supplied.
CONTENT WARNING: This article mentions miscarriage and mental health issues.
Katharine Andruska was baffled about how “isolated” she felt after the birth of her daughter, Izabella.
The Canberra woman’s parents lived less than 10 minutes away, she had “amazing” friends and a supportive community, but something still wasn’t sitting right.
“I didn’t like being a mum. I really grieved my loss of identity, I struggled to get out of the house but if I didn’t get out I was stuck,” Katharine said.
“After the initial [newborn] period, when your husband goes back to work and you’re left alone, you really start to question if you’re succeeding at being a mum, if you could be doing something better or different.
“There were a lot of conflicting emotions.”
Katharine had experienced six previous miscarriages.
She described the pregnancy with Izabella as “horrible”, experiencing physical difficulties and wrestling with the constant fear something would happen to her growing baby.
Her previous miscarriage experiences meant the pregnancy was also anxiety-inducing. So Katharine and her husband wanted to do whatever was necessary to deliver Izabella safely.
Unfortunately the birth was far from peaceful. Katharine needed an emergency c-section and had an unknown allergy to one of the medications, which sent her into cardiac arrest. She ended up in a coma for the first few days of the long wait for her daughter’s life.
“We missed out on those first few days with each other.”
Katharine found it difficult to connect with fellow women in her first-time mother’s group who all seemed to speak about “wonderful” motherhood. She was also struggling to connect with Izabella.
Only when going through her discharge paperwork (she’d suffered memory loss after giving birth), Katharine saw she’d been flagged as high risk for experiencing perinatal depression or anxiety (PNDA).
She described it as a lightbulb moment.
“It clicked that maybe what I was feeling isn’t normal and maybe I did need more help than what I could get from people around me,” she said.
Research shows PNDA affects up to one in five mothers and one in 10 fathers each year. But new data has found only one in five Australian parents with a child under the age of two reports receiving professional support in the perinatal period.
Almost one in three were never asked about their mental health by a healthcare provider.
Peach Tree Perinatal Wellness CEO and Perinatal Mental Health Alliance co-founder Viv Kissane said this was leaving too many parents feeling unheard at a time when compassion and support were most critical.
“No parent’s journey is ever the same. Every parent faces a whirlwind of emotions: joy, fear, doubt, exhaustion, and the support they need must meet them where they are,” she said.
“No-one should face early parenthood alone. There is help, and it can be shaped around what parents need, when they need it.”
This support can come in the form of sharing stories in a safe and understanding community, or timely counselling or specialist care.
Katharine says mental health support has helped her better bond with her now three-and-a-half-year-old daughter. Photo: Supplied.
Katharine turned to Canberra’s Perinatal Wellbeing Centre, but first had to contend with the internal struggle that she was “taking someone else’s spot” and questioning if she was “bad enough” to seek support.
“I had to convince myself I was worthy of that help,” she said.
She completed the centre’s group therapy session and accessed the self-care/crafting workshop, Marymead’s ‘drumming through emotions’ class, a Circle of Security parenting course and a pilot birth trauma workshop.
Katharine described the help as “transformative”.
“I genuinely think they made me a better mum,” she said.
“Not in terms of baking cookies, but being able to relate to my child, be kind to myself, to help myself and my partner to recognise when we’re getting ‘Izzie’d out’ so we can seek time out or space.
“It also brought that connection, just being able to talk with other mums and say ‘it’s not easy’.”
For those parents still unsure if they should seek mental health support, or had feelings of guilt or shame, Katharine described it as “one of the least selfish things you can do”.
“If you look at it as you’re doing this to be a better person and flip it – it’s not about you taking something, but making you a better parent,” she said.
“Knowing what I know now about mental health … I’m able to better support [others] and reach out in the period they might be feeling isolated.
“It’s the ripple effect that having good mental health has. I did deserve it and I did need that.”
See the Perinatal Support Finder and other resources online.
