Even the cutest kids will misbehave at times, but parents don’t need to go to extremes to deal with them. Photo: LSOphoto.
Parents have a tough job — always have, always will and I don’t care which generation claims it has (or had) it the hardest.
They get a bad rap if they yell at their kids, equally if they smile sweetly at their little darlings while the kid is in the midst of a major meltdown and ask them to name how they’re feeling.
Where once a smack on the hand or bottom was accepted for misbehaviour, that’s now a chargeable offence (understandably so). Although in saying that, I can remember getting a few smacks as a kid and I haven’t turned into a psycho killer.
It seems every generation believes it has the perfect solution to dealing with challenging behaviours — despite the fact that kids are kids and will not be perfect all the time.
As a baby, No. 1 favourite son hated to sleep. We tried rocking, singing, driving around and around, and I think even the white-noise method until we finally succumbed to controlled crying. This is where you put the baby to bed, leave the room and let them settle themselves. Yeah, right.
The theory is if the crying continues, wait for a set amount of time, go back in and settle the child — with a minimum of words and touch — then leave again. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat.
Trust me, as a new mum standing outside the nursery door listening to your months-old baby alternate between screaming and sobbing just rips your heart apart.
Needless to say, that method went out the window pretty quickly.
Over the years, there have been the helicopter parents — hovering around and practically suffocating a kid as they micromanage their lives. These are the kids who get a medal for just turning up to the athletics carnival, let alone competing.
There’ve been the permissive parents — let kids be kids and they’ll learn not to try and fly off the garage roof when they break their leg.
Then there are the authoritative parents — my way or the highway. Kids often rebel against these strict rule enforcers, so instead of having a polite, obedient child, you end up with a delinquent hell-bent on breaking every rule in the book.
Every few years, an expert comes along and reckons they’ve nailed the perfect parenting style that will work for every parent and every child.
I call bull on that.
I’ve just come across a newish parenting “trend” from the US — where else — called Fafo. And what does Fafo stand for? Bear with me, because if I had dared to say this word as a kid, my mother would have washed my mouth out with soap (well, she would have threatened to, anyway).
Fafo is F*** around and find out. Yep, that word that we don’t want to hear coming out of the mouths of our babes.
Its core tenet is that actions have consequences. Parenting 101, I would have thought, a lesson all normal parents would teach their children.
But it’s how far parents take this little gem to teach their children about consequences that can be a tad disturbing. Of course, they have to share it on social media so everyone can see what a fabulous parent they are.
And that’s the difference between the generations. Once upon a time, we’d hate the world to know our child was actually sometimes naughty. Today it’s posted on social media for all the world to see, laugh at and post comments.
According to an article in The Guardian, Fafo is “online-influenced child rearing, where extremes are pushed, nuance is out and polarisation is in”. One expert declares “parenting has become very intensive” — when wasn’t it bloody intensive?
Example one: Every parent has probably heard their cranky kid say they’re leaving home (I am talking about very young children who you don’t want to leave home, as opposed to the 25-year-old who is still living in his childhood bedroom). One mother responded to her small child’s announcement by saying “See ya”, shutting the front door behind him, and turning off the outside light — then opening the door to him screaming and pounding to be let back in (it has been liked 1.5 million times). He had learned, said his mother, “the meaning of Fafo”.
Example two: Another (Florida) mother posted a video of her throwing her daughter’s iPad out of the window when she had been misbehaving on the way to school. She films herself retrieving the tablet, now with a cracked screen. The video has been watched 4.9 million times. That’s Fafo parenting.
Look, I get that kids can be annoying little creatures — that’s how they’re designed — and telling them the same thing a dozen times could test even Mother Teresa’s patience.
But to film your child while they’re having a meltdown, then whack it online for the world to see for eternity, is extreme. I don’t think those mums will be thanked in a few years when the kids discover that priceless piece of footage.
One of the best pieces of advice I received as a new mum was not to get overwhelmed with advice. If you listened to every so-called parenting expert, you would end up more confused and stressed than when you started.
Having a child and raising a child is the toughest job in the world. They don’t come with a handling manual, there’s a no-return policy and you’re expected to do it all on minimum sleep.
The only pay you get is sloppy kisses, hugs and a kid who thinks you are a superhero.
And if they don’t want to eat broccoli, who cares? I’d rather be a superhero anyday.
Original Article published by Jen White on Region Illawarra.
